


Could Be You

by theYada



Category: B.A.P
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gang World, Blood, Blood and Injury, Comfort, Doctor Kim Himchan, Doctor Yoo Youngjae, Injured Choi Junhong | Zelo, Injury, Kinda oblivious Himchan, M/M, Medical Procedures, Overthinking Youngjae, Sad Youngjae, Swearing, himjae - Freeform, mentions of gang violence, stab wounds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-11 11:06:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15971060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theYada/pseuds/theYada
Summary: Himchan has always expected that the time he spent within a gang would come back to him at some point, and with every month that's gone by the fear has only grown.He didn't quite expect it to come back like this though.Three years later with a younger man on his doorstep, bleeding and barely able to hold himself up, and looking for all the world as if he'd only just left high school. All the while, trying to form the words to ask for help while Himchan stands frozen before him.





	Could Be You

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all I don't even ship Himjae but like I couldn't see any of the others as medics sooo...
> 
> [Pic 1](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/2f/70/ee/2f70ee32c1d0964a86dbc6de22110493.jpg), [Pic 2](http://images6.fanpop.com/image/photos/39000000/Himchan-Youngjae-bap-39089870-400-533.jpg) and [Pic 3](http://images6.fanpop.com/image/photos/39000000/Himchan-Youngjae-bap-39089882-400-533.jpg)
> 
> I made the moodboard please don't steal it. Thanks xoxo

 

 

 

 

He's pulled roughly from sleep sometime between two and three in the morning by pounding on his front door, hard enough to rattle the glass set into the wood. A hand flies out from under the covers to smack against his bedside table until Himchan can curl his fingers around the edge of his phone to squint through the harsh light at the time.

_Ass o'clock in the morning._

His heart is still thundering but it seems that the night is quiet and still, Youngjae next to him is still snoring away to himself, and that he imagined the battering of his front door just under his head. He rolls onto his back and stares at the stripe of orange light cutting through the blinds. Himchan's been imagining this day from the moment he left the streets behind, maybe he just dreamt it after all. 

Then someone tries again to break his door.

He's only half aware of Youngjae sitting up beside him to ask " _What's going on? Where are you -Is someone trying to break in?_ ", his feet carrying him across their room. By the time the sound of shattering glass reaches his ears, Himchan is already halfway down the stairs and the younger is somewhere behind him.

The clinic looks almost eerie at night - usually clean and crisp flooring bathed orange from the streetlamps. And a shadow from the doorway where a figure stands just behind the door isn't exactly helping Himchan's mind run through calming thoughts. Youngjae's on the phone now, but all Himchan can focus on is the realisation that finally, after just over three years, someone has finally come to finish the job that was started. Remove the traitor from the city altogether. 

Thick cracks run across the glass next to the handle like a spider's web, distorting the shadowed view of a fist pulling back - _a weapon dammit, find a weapon!_ \- only to blow the whole thing apart in a glittering display right as Himchan throws himself against the wood to hold the door closed.

"The fuck do you want" he hisses, fully expecting the punch of a bullet to be his answer. He really should have picked up something to use as a weapon but the kitchen would have been too far and everything in the clinic is locked away. At least he'll go down fighting.

Instead a small voice replies with "They said that you would help me"

Everything slows down for a horrible moment. Behind him, Youngjae is now alternating between yelling at his phone and at Himchan, voice rising in pitch each time. 

"Please..." There's an odd rasp to his voice and he's stopped pushing against the door "Please, they said - he said to, to call him Bbang. Please he said you would know"

This close Himchan can see blood splattered across the glass. He was done with all of this a long time ago. But if the gang, if _Yongguk_ of all people, has directed this boy here then they must trust him enough for the discretion. And he must be in need of serious help.

So Himchan does what he hopes any other good doctor would do - he opens the door.

The boy is much taller than he thought, towering in the door frame and almost completely blocking off all light from the security lamp under the porch. Even with he harsh shadows and dim lighting Himchan can tell that he's young, with soft cheeks and innocent eyes that make him look like a highschooler. Reminds him of Youngjae to some extent. 

Youngjae who is now grabbing his arm. Fingers dig into his flesh and though he doesn't speak, the younger has fear written right across his face that speaks louder than any words could.

_You said you'd leave this behind._

_I don't want to see you get hurt._

A gasp pulls his attention back to the boy who has now sagged against the frame, left hand tucked protectively under his jacket. He's pale, worryingly so in fact, and when Himchan looks closer at his hand something glistens in the dark. Blood. Quite a lot of it he realises. Almost black and streaked across bony knuckles to settle in the creases of his hands.

"Himchan he needs an ambulance"

Two voices speak at once, one firm and the other just a whisper "No hospitals"

Youngjae's right though, as much as it pains Himchan to admit it, their small clinic is barely kitted out for minor injuries and while he has dealt with this before, it's been years since he last patched up a bullet wound.

Still, he reaches a hand out to pull the boy in by his right arm, catching him as he stumbles over the threshold. His jaw is clenched hard against the pain so that a quiet whine is the only sound to accompany their footsteps. 

"So kid, you got a name?" He asks as they pass through the small waiting area and into a small room. It's easy to adopt his "doctor tone" as Youngjae calls it, blocking out his racing heart with the need to be professional.

Halfway toward the bed pushed against the wall, Youngjae reappears to click the light on before helping get the boy lying down, easing the jacket off his shoulders even as Himchan grabs a pair of gloves.

"Junhong" his face scrunches up in pain "I'm- _ah!_ \- nineteen"

A pair of shears slides up his shirt and the material gets ripped away to reveal three deep marks in his skin. Himchan doesn't even meet his gaze "You get stabbed?"

"With a um screwdriver... it's all I had to fight back with and, well, the other guy was better"

He hums quietly, goes back to prodding at the wounds with a sterile pad. What he doesn't notice is the way Youngjae's expression catches at his casual, almost accepting, tone - doesn't register that for Youngjae this is a brutal reminder of where Himchan could have been, _could still be_.

From what Himchan can see of Junhong's stomach the wounds aren't deep, clotting slightly at the edges, but they've bled enough to coat most of his skin with a tacky layer. Stitches and cleanup then.

"I don't think there's any internal damage Junhong - they've bled a lot but abdominal wounds do that, so it's just a case of a few stitches"

Junhong nods in acknowledgement before realisation crosses his features and his words tumble out in a rush "I'm sorry about the door but they followed me and I panicked 'cause I heard them and then I thought if Yongguk sent me you'd- _ah!_ "

Himchan pushes a hand onto his shoulder "Hey, hey. It's easier for you if you lie still"

He turns away from the boy to watch Youngjae for a brief second.

There's hesitation to his movements, each of them stilted and unsure as he moves to gather a tray full of items before standing beside Himchan. He hands them over in the same skittish manner - withdrawing quickly when he brushes his fingers against the older man's, as if not touching means he's not involved. Himchan can't stop noticing it once he does. 

He's about to say something when they're interrupted by a rapid knock on the door. It's Youngjae who strips off his gloves and goes towards the hushed voices of officers, the door falling shut behind him to further muffle all sounds.

"Ah, officers hello" the younger man really does sound shaken and guilt swells within Himchan for bringing this onto the other man.

"You called about an attempted break in? Is anybody hurt at all?" Youngjae must have shaken his head for no "Could we maybe come in and have a little chat then to gather some details?"

_No._

They can't come in. They can't see Junhong, or the wounds on his stomach, and they certainly can't see Himchan stitching him up in a neighbourhood clinic without having reported the incident.

It's only a few seconds but it feels like a full minute before Youngjae speaks again. "I'm sorry but my husband is rather shaken at the moment and I don't think he's in any state to answer questions right now" Blunt, to the point, no room for emotion. It's a tone Himchan's heard before when he explained everything to Youngjae after he got out - the tone that he adopts when he's been affected by something but refuses to let it show.

He can hear the grumbles of the officers, something along the lines of coming back tomorrow, "don't hesitate to call" and "are you sure the door is fine?" being asked, scattered through with Youngjae's assurances to them.

Finally, _finally_ , the door closes.

Youngjae returns grim faced to his side but he seems more distant than before. With each pass of the needle through Junhong's skin, every grimace and whimper that leaves his mouth, Youngjae withdraws more and more until he's not there. One large step away, wordlessly handing over what's needed until it's finally over. Mentally he's gone somewhere else entirely, brain going into overdrive with the _what if's_ and the _maybe's._

They finish up quickly enough to the relief of Junhong and as soon as Himchan steps away the boy lets his muscles collapse with a rush of air. Now, his stomach glistens with sweat instead of blood. Himchan just waits for Youngjae to disappear through the door before he addresses Junhong.

"Why did Bbang send you here?" he's not accusing, though the words come out a little sharp, he just wants to know why it's taken so long for something like this to happen.

"We got betrayed from within - someone sold us out to another gang and we got jumped" the boy works his jaw a little as he thinks over his next words "Our medic was hurt too, bad, then I was stabbed as well. Hospitals are a no-go until we figure out just how much reach this gang has so...here I am"

He takes a moment to process the information. 

"Yongguk didn't want to send me here you know in case it brought a threat to you"

Himchan jerks up from where he's cleaning to look at the younger with furrowed brows. He doesn't get the chance to ask the question burning on his tongue before the boy speaks once again.

"He's told me about you though - the one who grew up alongside him, ran the streets with him, then left to make a better life for himself. He always sounds guilty about it...get's real angry too when Boss man refers to you as a traitor"

"Kid, you don't have access to the kind of information that I did and get away cleanly"

"You left because you found someone you love. You haven't given away any information to the cops or other gangs. You stitched me up with no questions asked. You're not a traitor as far as I can tell" he swings his legs down and makes to stand up, swaying slightly as he does so "He doesn't want you to know this but he's told three of us the real story, has us keeping an eye on your place to make sure nobody tries anything"

"That's no- you don't have to- I can look after myse-"

"He wants to" Junhong doesn't leave any room for argument, just starts walking to the door while pulling his blood soaked jacket back on "We can't trust the rest of the gang right now. Especially if someone followed me here you'll be a marked man, your husband too, which is why I have to leave as quickly as possible"

Junhong sways again and Himchan's brain scrambles to find a way to get the boy to sit down and wait just a little longer, just until he can walk safely. But he's also hit with the vivid memories of it all - the times he had to flee in spite of an injury because to be missing for too long after an attack is to bring suspicion on yourself for selling information and being part of the plan all along  

"We'll pay for the door soon I promise. Thank you Himchan"

With that the boy steps out into the orange glow of the street. 

Himchan spends a long moment leaning his forehead against the door after he leaves. The ring on his finger feels heavier now, with the knowledge that the gang know about Youngjae and still have a grudge after all these years. It's not like he can just tell Youngjae " _Oh by the way, the gang still want to kill me and they know about you so they probably want you dead as well_ " and it's not like he can follow it up with " _But don't worry, four rogue gang members watch over our house to make sure we don't get killed_ ".

God, he knows how Youngjae feels about his past and he still let Junhong in at a risk to themselves. The boy was right when he said that they could have been marked, even admitted that he was followed here by whoever jumped them.

 _Stupid_.

He needs to talk to Youngjae properly. Right now. Before the younger man can get too worked up about things from his own mind.

Still, he takes his time walking back up the stairs - double checking everything as he goes to try and delay the inevitable for just a little longer. The house upstairs is completely dark and Himchan tells himself that his careful tread is to avoid hitting anything in the dark and not because he's trying to prevent his talk with Youngjae.

The bedroom too is dark, save for the orange light spilling through open curtains to silhouette Youngjae's form against the window. For a moment Himchan thinks Youngjae is frozen in place until he sees the shake of the his shoulders and hears the slight hitch of breath in the silence.

_How stupid can you be?_

"Jae?"

The change in the other man is instant. Shoulders square up to create a stronger look, jaw clamping down to stop his lip from wobbling. His eyes are still wet when he turns to face Himchan but something flashes in them that shows hurt and anger before it shows weakness.

_Look at what you've done._

"Listen I know it was stupid to let him in but he was -"

He flinches when the younger man cuts him off "Don't"

_You've ruined it all._

He drops his hand from where it's risen between them and searches Youngjae's face for answers, ignoring the painful twinges that must be his heart breaking under the realisation of what he's just done. What he's destroyed. Youngjae just takes a shuddering breath to try and calm himself instead of giving Himchan an explanation. Takes another glance out the window, clenches his fists, looks back to Himchan.

"He needed help...It's not- I'm not- _shit_ " It's painful watching the way Youngjae works his jaw as he tries to phrase his feelings "I'm not mad at you Himchan. It's...It's just that- that..."

Youngjae trails off again and Himchan rushes to fill the tense silence with his apologies. "Hey we're not in danger. I know he said he got followed but there's my old buddy keeping an eye out just to make sure that we're all good okay, you don't have to worry Jae. Jae please nothing is going to happen to us I promise"

The other man shakes his head, speaks again with a thick voice before Himchan can spill more assurances from his mouth.

"It could have been you"

_Wait, what?_

"I'm not worried about treating a gang member, or that he said he was followed, or even that we're being watched by your old gang buddies...But Channie a few years ago that could have been you" there's tears falling down his face now but Himchan stays rooted to the spot "You could have been killed before we met, another nameless death among the streets. I'm not mad, I'm- _fuck_ \- I'm scared okay? What if you hadn't got out? What if one day I'd come home and never see you again?"

It takes two steps for Himchan to cross the room and pull Youngjae into his arms. Just two steps to press his nose into the younger's hair and whisper to him even as Youngjae breaks down into all out sobbing against his shoulder. 

"Hey, it's okay. Youngjae, I'm here, I'm fine. It's in the past now - it doesn't matter because I didn't die and we met each other"

Youngjae clings tighter to his shirt, sobs harder at his words "But- But it _could_ have b-been you. And we mi-

"No. It didn't happen and I'm here for you always yeah. Yeah?"

He gets a nod in response.

"See all fine. Now, I think you deserve cuddles for the rest of the night hmm?"

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this (or hated it) a comment would be muchly appreciated <3
> 
> If anyone has been reading my yoonminseok series I'm here to clarify that I do plan to write more but at the moment it's unclear. I briefly considered something that made light of Hoseok's injury like "hey give me a hand" *throws prosthetic* but it's not information I can really find and I don't want to offend anyone given the subject matter. Stuff will be written at some point though.
> 
> ALSO, I moved to university two weeks ago and I'm having rather a few adjustment issues so I may be inspired fairly soon but if you're waiting for the NCT fic I said I was working on, I'm sorry it's going to be put on hold until I can settle.


End file.
